Sunday, June 29, 2008
Quote of the Day from Bug:
"I'm a good person on the inside, Mom. I really am. It's just that I am overwhelmed with anger, and my ADHD & OCD to the point that I can't be a good person."
Monday, June 23, 2008
Following the trail of thoughts
Randy & I are both reading the book: "Talking Back to OCD" by John S. March, M.D. (Chief of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Duke University Medical Center). This book was recommended by Bug's Psychiatrist, so we bought it and have been working our way through it. With the helpful insight that the book gives on OCD, we are slowly seeing some of the severity of how Bug is affected by this disease. Here is an example of something that Randy and I are connecting the dots on:
Bedtime
1) Bug must have a night light and his "fish" light on (OCD tells him "if you don't have the lights on, the monsters will get you!")
2) All of his stuffed animals need to be around him while he sleeps in a specific order for "protection" (OCD says "you need all 31 stuffed animals just so in order to have comfort")
3) He needs his cat in the bedroom at night to help hunt the spiders that OCD tell him are crawling on his floor and in his bed.
4) Bug doesn't want to sleep in his bed at night - he feels more comfortable on the floor now.
5) Recently, it is the TV that has to be on (OCD says "your brain can't relax if you don't watch some TV in the night.")
6) Bug comes out at least once, usually 2-4 times, each night saying how hungry he is. (Even though he eats a full dinner, dessert, and a bedtime snack before bed.) We are learning that this, too, is triggered by OCD. (OCD tells him "I'm bored, lets eat...if you don't you will starve to death!")
So, OK, we are connecting some of the dots...now what?!?
Step 1: Figure out what things are Bug and what things are OCD -- learn to separate them and treat them as just that...2 different "beings" so to speak.
Not as easy as it sounds! It is hard to tell if the melt down that had Bug crumpled on the floor crying over being told no video games is actually him throwing a fit or is it OCD related?? (Because we have learned that being "entertained" all of the time is part of his OCD sometimes.)
Alright, I am exhausted just thinking about all of this. I need to get to bed. **yawn**
Bedtime
1) Bug must have a night light and his "fish" light on (OCD tells him "if you don't have the lights on, the monsters will get you!")
2) All of his stuffed animals need to be around him while he sleeps in a specific order for "protection" (OCD says "you need all 31 stuffed animals just so in order to have comfort")
3) He needs his cat in the bedroom at night to help hunt the spiders that OCD tell him are crawling on his floor and in his bed.
4) Bug doesn't want to sleep in his bed at night - he feels more comfortable on the floor now.
5) Recently, it is the TV that has to be on (OCD says "your brain can't relax if you don't watch some TV in the night.")
6) Bug comes out at least once, usually 2-4 times, each night saying how hungry he is. (Even though he eats a full dinner, dessert, and a bedtime snack before bed.) We are learning that this, too, is triggered by OCD. (OCD tells him "I'm bored, lets eat...if you don't you will starve to death!")
So, OK, we are connecting some of the dots...now what?!?
Step 1: Figure out what things are Bug and what things are OCD -- learn to separate them and treat them as just that...2 different "beings" so to speak.
Not as easy as it sounds! It is hard to tell if the melt down that had Bug crumpled on the floor crying over being told no video games is actually him throwing a fit or is it OCD related?? (Because we have learned that being "entertained" all of the time is part of his OCD sometimes.)
Alright, I am exhausted just thinking about all of this. I need to get to bed. **yawn**
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Stuck In High Gear...
I had a conversation with Bug this morning regarding his OCD. It is always highly interesting when he and I can have a conversation about his feelings...especially when his ADHD and OCD are allowing him to calmly explain what he thinks and feels during his times of uncontrollable compulsions and obsessions. Here are some of the things we talked about:
I asked Bug why I found his TV on (in his room) after bedtime again last night...even though he KNEW that he was grounded from it for having it on the night before. He said that he knew he wasn't suppose to have the TV on, but he didn't "have the will power to say NO" to his brain. I turned the TV off and went to bed, and Bug said that he got back up and turned it on again a few minutes later. He said he was awake until 1:40AM watching TV...and he told himself "turn the TV off and go to sleep" but once he turned the TV off he couldn't sleep and that he HAD to turn it back on before he could sleep.
Bug said that "the TV occupies my mind at night so that I don't get up from my bed." He said that he often has "racing thoughts" from which questions develop and he "has to get up to ask them." Also, the thoughts of "starving to death" don't creep into his mind when he is watching TV. (His brain tells him that he "has to eat or starve to death" at night.)
Something else that the TV helps him with at night is the fear of darkness. (Don't get me wrong, his room is nowhere near DARK to anyone except him!) But, he said that "the TV makes my room bright enough so I am not scared to stay in my room."
Something that we have been noticing with Bug (at night especially) is that he has very little concern for what the consequences of doing things that he knows he shouldn't be doing are. So, I asked Bug, out of curiosity, if Dad or I were to spank him EVERY time that he turned his TV on, would he still do it?? (We don't spank, but I was trying to use a severe consequence example in my question.) Bug said "I don't know if I would or not" and then he followed that up with "probably I would still turn it on, because I don't think I could stop my brain from making me do it." (Hmmm....very interesting to know!)
During our talk, Bug came up with his own insight about something that I had not put together yet. He said that he feels the need to be "entertained all of the time." That he cannot just sit and do nothing. (He is constantly asking if he can play a video game, ride his scooter, go to a friend's house, play a board game with someone, etc... He can't just "be.") He said that it is like that during the daytime and the nighttime for him and that the TV helps with that feeling as well. Bug even told me something that I did not know from the days when he was attending public school. He said "Mom, I had a desk and a chair at school, but I couldn't sit in my chair. I even stood up to do my papers to keep my brain happy." (Wow, I had no idea!)
So, this was how our conversation went. I came away from it feeling as if I had a bit more understanding of how Bug's OCD interrupts his life and I have a different attitude about the TV in his room, for sure! My little boy's brain seems to be in a constant state of being "stuck in high gear."
I asked Bug why I found his TV on (in his room) after bedtime again last night...even though he KNEW that he was grounded from it for having it on the night before. He said that he knew he wasn't suppose to have the TV on, but he didn't "have the will power to say NO" to his brain. I turned the TV off and went to bed, and Bug said that he got back up and turned it on again a few minutes later. He said he was awake until 1:40AM watching TV...and he told himself "turn the TV off and go to sleep" but once he turned the TV off he couldn't sleep and that he HAD to turn it back on before he could sleep.
Bug said that "the TV occupies my mind at night so that I don't get up from my bed." He said that he often has "racing thoughts" from which questions develop and he "has to get up to ask them." Also, the thoughts of "starving to death" don't creep into his mind when he is watching TV. (His brain tells him that he "has to eat or starve to death" at night.)
Something else that the TV helps him with at night is the fear of darkness. (Don't get me wrong, his room is nowhere near DARK to anyone except him!) But, he said that "the TV makes my room bright enough so I am not scared to stay in my room."
Something that we have been noticing with Bug (at night especially) is that he has very little concern for what the consequences of doing things that he knows he shouldn't be doing are. So, I asked Bug, out of curiosity, if Dad or I were to spank him EVERY time that he turned his TV on, would he still do it?? (We don't spank, but I was trying to use a severe consequence example in my question.) Bug said "I don't know if I would or not" and then he followed that up with "probably I would still turn it on, because I don't think I could stop my brain from making me do it." (Hmmm....very interesting to know!)
During our talk, Bug came up with his own insight about something that I had not put together yet. He said that he feels the need to be "entertained all of the time." That he cannot just sit and do nothing. (He is constantly asking if he can play a video game, ride his scooter, go to a friend's house, play a board game with someone, etc... He can't just "be.") He said that it is like that during the daytime and the nighttime for him and that the TV helps with that feeling as well. Bug even told me something that I did not know from the days when he was attending public school. He said "Mom, I had a desk and a chair at school, but I couldn't sit in my chair. I even stood up to do my papers to keep my brain happy." (Wow, I had no idea!)
So, this was how our conversation went. I came away from it feeling as if I had a bit more understanding of how Bug's OCD interrupts his life and I have a different attitude about the TV in his room, for sure! My little boy's brain seems to be in a constant state of being "stuck in high gear."
Friday, June 20, 2008
In disguise...
Just a warning...below is a picture of what seems like an adorable little angel, but DON'T BE FOOLED!! Underneath that sweet exterior is a TODDLER in full "toddler mode"!! Yes, you read that right! I know, I know...you are saying "she looks so innocent!" If only you were aware of the trouble that she can cause!
Here is a slight glance of her current "rap sheet"...
*Torturing her big brother, Bug, to the point of a screaming & yelling match
*Jumping on Mom & Dad's bed when they aren't looking
*Snatching toys from her baby sister, Baby Blue, & making her cry
*Sticking her tongue out at strangers as they pass her in public
*Starting arguments with little girls in Target
*Jumping in the pool with all of her clothes on, when she was told "no swimming today"
*Sneaking drinks into parts of the house that she knows are off limits
*Manipulating her Dad to get her way
Yep, this little devious toddler is in disguise! She often goes under the alias "Stinky ____" -- which she made up, not me! Be careful folks...from what I understand, there are several of her kind around! (I have a sneaking suspicion that there is another toddler-in-disguise next door even!) Here is her picture...be on the lookout for her kind...they can cause havoc!
Here is a slight glance of her current "rap sheet"...
*Torturing her big brother, Bug, to the point of a screaming & yelling match
*Jumping on Mom & Dad's bed when they aren't looking
*Snatching toys from her baby sister, Baby Blue, & making her cry
*Sticking her tongue out at strangers as they pass her in public
*Starting arguments with little girls in Target
*Jumping in the pool with all of her clothes on, when she was told "no swimming today"
*Sneaking drinks into parts of the house that she knows are off limits
*Manipulating her Dad to get her way
Yep, this little devious toddler is in disguise! She often goes under the alias "Stinky ____" -- which she made up, not me! Be careful folks...from what I understand, there are several of her kind around! (I have a sneaking suspicion that there is another toddler-in-disguise next door even!) Here is her picture...be on the lookout for her kind...they can cause havoc!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Who needs sleep anyway??
I am so tired! Every night I go to bed with this HOPE of sleeping well and waking up refreshed and ready to start a new day. Doesn't everyone think that way? Slowly, but surely, I am coming around to the fact that sleeping well and being refreshed is only a dream!
This is how the majority of my nights go:
9:30 - 10:00 Bed Time (yes, I know, it is early, but we are early risers here!)
10:30ish - Baby Blue is up to eat
11:00ish - Randy comes to bed
11:15ish - Bug comes in with a problem
12:00ish - Bug comes in with a 2nd problem
1:00ish - Baby Blue wants to eat
1:30ish - Bug comes in with a 3rd problem
4:00ish - Baby Blue wants to eat
5:30ish - Cricket wakes up and needs to be tucked back in
6:00 - Cricket & Baby Blue are up for the day
When I list it out like this, I can completely see why rolling out of bed in the AM is hard to do!
This is how the majority of my nights go:
9:30 - 10:00 Bed Time (yes, I know, it is early, but we are early risers here!)
10:30ish - Baby Blue is up to eat
11:00ish - Randy comes to bed
11:15ish - Bug comes in with a problem
12:00ish - Bug comes in with a 2nd problem
1:00ish - Baby Blue wants to eat
1:30ish - Bug comes in with a 3rd problem
4:00ish - Baby Blue wants to eat
5:30ish - Cricket wakes up and needs to be tucked back in
6:00 - Cricket & Baby Blue are up for the day
When I list it out like this, I can completely see why rolling out of bed in the AM is hard to do!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
A day in the life of a crazy mom...
Sigh........
What a long day it has been aboard the Bullet Train. I don't even know where to start. The morning started out OK, I suppose. (If getting woke up at 5:30 AM by a toddler wrestling you in bed is your sort of thing.) Cricket was a grump -- even though she was the one who insisted that we wake up with the sun. Baby Blue was her normal happy morning self. At 7:00 AM, I decide to get Bug up, as the neighbor and I were going to some garage sales and her husband volunteered to watch my 2 older kids along with his own 2 kids. (Brave man, I know!) So, by 7:30 we were all up, dressed, and walking out the door. So, the morning gets off to a great start!! YAY!
We returned home from the garage sale outing at around 10:15 or so. The kids had been GREAT! I told my neighbor that I was sure the kids were saving all the bad behavior for me! LOL (Little did I know how right I was!)
The kids and I got home and right away they were begging me to let them go swimming in our small, plastic pool. OK - why not!?! I helped them wriggle into their bathing suits and slathered them with sunscreen and sent them out the door. Before I could even close the door, the two of them were already bickering. I didn't think a lot of it, as this is typical at my house, and I continued inside. Within 3 minutes they were both standing at the window, looking in at me and screaming about the all-to-common "he did it/she did it" arguments. Well, as usual, I played referee for the rest of the time that they played in the pool. (Lucky me.)
Lunch time came around too quickly and I had to get the kids out of the bathing suits and back into their street clothes - since we had to run some errands and pick up lunch. No problems. We get loaded into the car and buckled up, when I hear "Mommy, I need to go pee" coming from Cricket. Sigh. Alright, we unbuckle and run back inside to the bathroom. Whew - made it! Now we are back in the car and on our way to Subway for some well deserved grub. As we are 3/4 of the way there, Bug says "Mom, I don't have my shoes on!" I grumbled and said something along the lines of "why did you take them off in the car anyhow??" Then he assures me that he didn't take them off in the car...because HE NEVER PUT THEM ON IN THE FIRST PLACE! Ugh. Alright, so now I am thinking about how I am certain to look like the crazy Mom that doesn't put shoes on her kids when taking them into public EATING facilities! Great. We get out at Subway and Bug decides that the parking lot is HOT on his feet (duh, it is 95 degrees outside) and takes off running as fast as he can for the shaded sidewalk. Meanwhile, I am trying to carry Baby Blue in her car seat and keep Cricket (who wants to run like her brother) in my grasp as we cross the parking lot. We got inside...I made Bug sit on his knees in the closest booth to the door that I could find, hoping that no one saw his bare feet. OK, so I ordered lunch, we ate, and all went smoothly. (Ahhhh.....) I ran into the grocery store for a couple of items and, as always, Cricket wanted to ride on the bottom of the cart. Sure, why not!?! She has done it a million times before, so I didn't even think twice about her climbing on. Well, about 1/2 way through our shopping, my cart slows down for some reason and all of the sudden Cricket is crying. I stop immediately what I am doing and grab her from the bottom of the cart to find out what is wrong. It turns out that she decided to let her hair hang down to the floor while riding. I am sure you can see where this is going... Yep, some of her hair got ran over and RIPPED from her head!! Once she was calmed down, we finished our shopping and went home. It was at home that I noticed the BALD spot on the top of her head from the incident! Poor thing! LOL - I couldn't help but laugh. (She says she won't hang her head off the cart anymore!!)
Later in the day, Bug came into to rat himself out! (I love that!) He said that he had taken 2 quarters out of my garage sale money bag. I am thinking that "OK, this is the first I have had to deal with stealing from him, so I am going to give him the 'Stealing isn't right' talk and be done with it." That is what I did. The day continues on as usual...me, playing referee, and the kids being little monsters. Eventually I got to the end of my patience and put both kids to bed early. I went outside to turn the sprinkler off (yes, I remembered to water the lawn!) - and the darn thing looked like Old Faithful, the geyser, because the top had blown off and the water was shooting straight up into the air! Perfect! (I wonder how long I flooded that 1 section of lawn!?!) I came inside and actually got to shower and have some "me" time even for about 30 minutes before bed! YAY! Once I was in bed...yep, the day doesn't end there in this house...Bug was out of bed and in my room 3 times for the typical "I am hungry" or "I am scared" reasons. (Scared the lights out of me to see his little shadow in my room at first!) Anyhow, I sent him back to bed each time and I finally got to sleep. What a day...
What a long day it has been aboard the Bullet Train. I don't even know where to start. The morning started out OK, I suppose. (If getting woke up at 5:30 AM by a toddler wrestling you in bed is your sort of thing.) Cricket was a grump -- even though she was the one who insisted that we wake up with the sun. Baby Blue was her normal happy morning self. At 7:00 AM, I decide to get Bug up, as the neighbor and I were going to some garage sales and her husband volunteered to watch my 2 older kids along with his own 2 kids. (Brave man, I know!) So, by 7:30 we were all up, dressed, and walking out the door. So, the morning gets off to a great start!! YAY!
We returned home from the garage sale outing at around 10:15 or so. The kids had been GREAT! I told my neighbor that I was sure the kids were saving all the bad behavior for me! LOL (Little did I know how right I was!)
The kids and I got home and right away they were begging me to let them go swimming in our small, plastic pool. OK - why not!?! I helped them wriggle into their bathing suits and slathered them with sunscreen and sent them out the door. Before I could even close the door, the two of them were already bickering. I didn't think a lot of it, as this is typical at my house, and I continued inside. Within 3 minutes they were both standing at the window, looking in at me and screaming about the all-to-common "he did it/she did it" arguments. Well, as usual, I played referee for the rest of the time that they played in the pool. (Lucky me.)
Lunch time came around too quickly and I had to get the kids out of the bathing suits and back into their street clothes - since we had to run some errands and pick up lunch. No problems. We get loaded into the car and buckled up, when I hear "Mommy, I need to go pee" coming from Cricket. Sigh. Alright, we unbuckle and run back inside to the bathroom. Whew - made it! Now we are back in the car and on our way to Subway for some well deserved grub. As we are 3/4 of the way there, Bug says "Mom, I don't have my shoes on!" I grumbled and said something along the lines of "why did you take them off in the car anyhow??" Then he assures me that he didn't take them off in the car...because HE NEVER PUT THEM ON IN THE FIRST PLACE! Ugh. Alright, so now I am thinking about how I am certain to look like the crazy Mom that doesn't put shoes on her kids when taking them into public EATING facilities! Great. We get out at Subway and Bug decides that the parking lot is HOT on his feet (duh, it is 95 degrees outside) and takes off running as fast as he can for the shaded sidewalk. Meanwhile, I am trying to carry Baby Blue in her car seat and keep Cricket (who wants to run like her brother) in my grasp as we cross the parking lot. We got inside...I made Bug sit on his knees in the closest booth to the door that I could find, hoping that no one saw his bare feet. OK, so I ordered lunch, we ate, and all went smoothly. (Ahhhh.....) I ran into the grocery store for a couple of items and, as always, Cricket wanted to ride on the bottom of the cart. Sure, why not!?! She has done it a million times before, so I didn't even think twice about her climbing on. Well, about 1/2 way through our shopping, my cart slows down for some reason and all of the sudden Cricket is crying. I stop immediately what I am doing and grab her from the bottom of the cart to find out what is wrong. It turns out that she decided to let her hair hang down to the floor while riding. I am sure you can see where this is going... Yep, some of her hair got ran over and RIPPED from her head!! Once she was calmed down, we finished our shopping and went home. It was at home that I noticed the BALD spot on the top of her head from the incident! Poor thing! LOL - I couldn't help but laugh. (She says she won't hang her head off the cart anymore!!)
Later in the day, Bug came into to rat himself out! (I love that!) He said that he had taken 2 quarters out of my garage sale money bag. I am thinking that "OK, this is the first I have had to deal with stealing from him, so I am going to give him the 'Stealing isn't right' talk and be done with it." That is what I did. The day continues on as usual...me, playing referee, and the kids being little monsters. Eventually I got to the end of my patience and put both kids to bed early. I went outside to turn the sprinkler off (yes, I remembered to water the lawn!) - and the darn thing looked like Old Faithful, the geyser, because the top had blown off and the water was shooting straight up into the air! Perfect! (I wonder how long I flooded that 1 section of lawn!?!) I came inside and actually got to shower and have some "me" time even for about 30 minutes before bed! YAY! Once I was in bed...yep, the day doesn't end there in this house...Bug was out of bed and in my room 3 times for the typical "I am hungry" or "I am scared" reasons. (Scared the lights out of me to see his little shadow in my room at first!) Anyhow, I sent him back to bed each time and I finally got to sleep. What a day...
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