First, a little background.
Bug is my 11 year old son who has been diagnosed with ADHD, an array of anxiety issues, and depression by "The all knowing whom we call "doctors, therapists, and psychologists"; and also a few diagnoses from "The all knowing whom is called MOM" such as "diarrhea of the mouth," smart ass syndrome, and "its my way or the highway-itis."
School is out for summer. Yay. Can you hear the excitement in my voice? It has officially been 1 week since he has been irritating me (i mean...home...whoops). "Mom, I'm bored ~ Mom, I'm hungry ~ Mom, will you play Scrabble with me ~ Mom, can I play in the hose ~ Mom, why don't we have any better movies ~ Mom, can I have my own phone ~ Mom, why did God give me sisters ~ Mom ~ Mom ~ Mom ~ Mom ~ Mom.........................." Seriously, ZIP IT kid!! I love ya....but ZIP IT! (Yes, mother, I now understand why you despised the end of the school year and couldn't be happier when September rolled back around!)
So, to get to the point....(thanks if you are still reading ~ you must be as bored as my son)...
Yesterday, Bug decided to wake up in a pissed off at the world mood and took it out on yours truly. As several of you know, I recently had some minor surgery done and haven't been running at 100% just yet, so I had been asking Bug for some extra help with things around the house. (Bad Mom! Bad!) Well, he decided that as of yesterday, I was no longer in need of his help. In fact, he told me that I wasn't "disabled anymore" and that he felt that I could function on my own perfectly. This was news to me! Next he asked me if I was happy in this house. ???? "Yes, Bug, I am perfectly happy here! Why would you ask that?" "Well, because you used to be a happy, caring, loving, FUN Mom in our old house, but since we moved here you aren't anymore! You are a boring, mean, grumpy Mom now." Wow...can someone pick my heart up off the floor and revive it for me??
As Bug is like this from time to time, I can typically roll with the punches and let those comments slide off my back. But sometimes I am taken aback and just really hurt. This was one of those times.
I told him to eat his breakfast and I went about my daily routines. But, damn, I was upset. It makes me question myself and my abilities as a parent. Eventually, after multiple rude comments and snide remarks, I had had enough. I told him that he had lost the privilege of going swimming with a friend that evening. That got his attention. This devastated him and he started with the instant tears and ran to his room. Hey, I'm apparently already not a fun mom, so this shouldn't have come as any surprise, right?! For the rest of the afternoon, I dealt with the begging "PLEEEAASSSEEEE Mom! What can I do to make it up so I can still go swimming?!?!" crap. He would bring on the tears at times and even flop himself onto the furniture in dramatic ways. I held firm though. Which is actually not my strong suit...I typically cave pretty quickly. The evening came and Flyboy finally came home. Shew! He had a llllooooonnnnggggg talk with Bug about his behavior, his lack of respect, his "the world owes me" attitude. They came to a reasonable disciplinary action and Bug was told that he could not come out of his room until he was ready to apologize to me.
And THIS is the biggest thing for me...not ONCE in the whole process of begging me to let him go swimming with his friend did he apologize for what he said or how he acted. Not once. He did not shed one tear because he was upset that he hurt me. It was all because he wasn't getting what he wanted. And that is what makes the hurt that much deeper for me.
Oh, his discipline? You KNOW you are dying to hear what it was!!
#1. Apologize to mom and MEAN IT.
#2. No TV until he earns it back by showing respect for others.
#3. Since he apparently has NO CLUE what Mom does every single day to take care of the family and the house, he will be "walking in Mom's shoes" for the next 5 days. Every single morning there will be a list of chores that have to be done...chores that I would typically do...and he has to have them all done by bedtime.
Here is a sample of today's chores: empty dishwasher, clean deck (table & chairs included), clean litter pans, feed/water cats, water the plants (morning and evening), clean living room & playroom & his bedroom, vacuum entire downstairs areas, carry in the groceries from the car, take out all the trashes in the house and put fresh bags in them .
He was told that he could sleep until noon if that is what he wanted to do, but that all chores would be done by his bedtime or they would be added to the following day's list. This morning, his alarm went off at 8AM ~ he emerged from his room at about 8:45 and started working at 9AM. It is currently 3:30PM and he just finished his list for the day.
He sat down on the couch just a few minutes ago and I asked him how his day went. He said "I think I need a nap!" HAHAHAHAHA!