Last night, Flyboy and I attended a "parents only" sessions with Bug's new therapist, Cathy Grayson. She is also the author of Parenting Your Asperger Child. She was very down to earth. She was very kind and extremely understanding. And when she told us that indeed our son does have Aspergers, she was sympathetic but positive. She was outraged along with Flyboy & myself at what we, as a family, have been through and how Bug's condition could be missed by so many medical professionals over the years. She knew within the hour of meeting and talking with Bug that there was NO DOUBT in her mind what was going on with him.
Aspergers. It is a high functioning form of Autism. I am not going to list out the signs/symptoms of Aspergers. There are TONS of sites and books out there that you can read if you are interested or curious. In this blog, I listed out a huge number of Bug's specific behaviors and issues.
I am, however, going to share this video from YouTube that I feel sums up what Aspergers is...and how it feels.
Please take a moment to watch it.
As a parent who has been battling the "something is different" or "something is OFF" with my child feelings for the last 6 years, I am both saddened and relieved to have Bug's condition diagnosed. Saddened because it is hard to accept that life won't be easy for my child. Saddened because all of these years I have not parented him the way HE NEEDED me to. Saddened because my child feels that no one understands him in this world. BUT on the flip side, I am relieved to know that as a mother, my gut feeling was right...something was off...and it wasn't simply that Flyboy and I were terrible parents who fucked their kid up. (And believe me when I say it is DEFINITELY something that goes through your head...many times.) I am relieved that maybe we can educate ourselves on how to parent Bug in the way that HE NEEDS us to from this point on.
Am I scared? Hell yes. I am scared that I won't have the patience Bug needs from me. I am already stretched to my limits with what I call my "high maintenance" kids and life. I am scared of failure. But, that is precisely what is going to take me to the finish line...to allow me to build more patience than I ever dreamed possible, to help me become more understanding and loving than I have even been. So, yes, I am scared....BUT I am NOT defeated.